Getting the Answers
You will always get the answers to your questions, but you do not always get them right away. There is a reason for that and it is simply, you are not ready to hear the answers. We all experience things both good and bad that just didn’t clearly make sense and we ask why. Why did that happen and how. The bad things though, they tend linger and scar us and sometimes paralyze us from moving on in parts of our lives.
That happened to me. Many years ago. Many many years ago, I was in a relationship with a very good guy. I liked him, I loved him and at one point thought I could do this life sharing thing. It didn’t work out; not because of a lack of trying. It was difficult for me to understand why this relationship went to the dumps. Being the type of person I am, I internalized and analyzed my actions over the past six – seven years to see what specifically led to this point. What made this worse is that the person that could have given me answers was pretending that I did not exist and that the last few years did not exist. What I experienced seemed unreal but the pain was an acknowledgement that it was very real. I needed answers so I could move one. I needed something to make the last few years of my life make sense.
I didn’t get an answer and that “not knowing” molded how I lived for many years. It molded how I related and didn’t relate to people. Years of negative energy boxed inside of me becasue, ” I needed to know.” Until I realized I could not continue to live that way. I had to learn how to be okay not knowing. That happened through meditation and prayer. It happened through writing and drawing. I can remember one day waking up smiling and feeling that cloud gone. That was a miraculous day.
It has been a few years since I was released from the challenges of that situation but just a week ago, I got answers to my initial questions. I think I needed to mentally and spiritually be where I am now to accept and even understand the answers that I received. If I would of heard these answers when I wanted them, I would not have accepted it.
So I get it. Answers come when they need to and I will never rush them again and never allow not knowing to stop me from living fully.